Reasons as to why Blossom and Brick shouldn't date
by Dirk-Steadfast
Summary: Nothinng could be said here that isn't already explained in the tite, but if you really must know. A high school romance sort of, in which the characters mentioned in the title go through the motions of being in a relationship, until the day they realize.


_I love you baby_

_But all I can think about is_

_Kielbasa sausage_

_Your butt-cheeks is warm_

Tenacious D, Kielbasa

Some people would argue that their courtship started during high school, when they turned their bitter rivalry from a physical one, to a mental one. Some would say that it began when they were five years old, after that first kiss. Some would even go so far as to say it began even before that, when they first locked eyes perhaps?

All these things some people would say, and more even. But some people also say that the _Twilight_ saga is legitimate literature (_legiterature_.) These are the people who will be ignored in this narrative (the people from paragraph one not the people who like _Twilight_, though these people should also be ignored in their own right.) In the stead of the romanticists that push adamantly for the ideas of paragraph uno, the author (me) wishes to impart to you (the reader,) the factual, unabridged, unaltered, un-embellished, and, perhaps most importantly, the comically tragic tale of Blossom and Brick.

People will tell you (the reader) that their courtship began much earlier than it actually had (the author, me, would like to take this moment to tell you, the reader, that the use of the word "courtship" is done so in the traditional sense of the word. Meaning, the actual wooing of one person by another, not the budding ideas of a thought that may or may not be the thing known as a crush.) In actuality Brick only started courting Blossom when they were about seventeen years of age (or is it twelve? The age of these super powered people is hard to judge since at the time of their birth they were already considered five years old. It is because of this that the author, me, will, from now on, use the standard American grade system, that both Blossom and Brick were a part of to relay the amount of time in between events of importance, hopefully, making it easier for you, the reader, to follow along), when they were both attending their Junior year of Townsville High School (a name that rings triumphantly with originality.) In their Freshman year, the two had started playing a sort of game with each other. The game didn't really have any rules, except that the winner was superior, and the loser was a loser, but they played it for two straight years, sometimes with Blossom in the lead, and other times Brick coming out on top (it wouldn't be till later that Blossom came out on top.) The two hated each other, and at every opportunity would try and prove dominance over the other. Such mind-frames led to bitter scholastic competitions, Brick would ace a chemistry test while Blossom brought home an A+ in advance trigonometry. Eventually this spread to more artistic classes, Brick's electric guitar rifs were often heard scratching against the more melodic tones of Blossom's viola (rumor has it that Blossom one time, feeling rather bold, toy-monkeyed a set of cymbals around Brick's head), and for a moment the two tried to argue who could paint a better rendition of the lunch room scene, and although both Blossom and Brick had many beautiful ideas, containing vast contours of color and subtle themes expressing the uneasy balance that the lunch-ladies had managed to sustain with the general population of students, but after a hefty berating from Bubbles, in which she explained to them why they shouldn't be painting, "You guys suck!" both of the red-heads realized that they were terrible painters, and were quoted saying, "Art is lame anyway."

It was this whole art fiasco that led to the courtship. It had given them something to agree upon, a mutual hatred that had opened up a bi-pass (gotta have bi-passes) to the heart. From that point on, whenever the two shared an art class (which was everyday) they would make eye-contact and simultaneously say, "_Art!_ Who needs it?" Then they would laugh as they sat at their seats. It was also in art class that they combined their verbosity to attack other students, as coincidentally (maybe fate stepped in for this part) all the other kids in this particular art class wanted to be first class painters (a dream that would most likely lead to depressed lives wrought with drug abuse and hours of waiting in line at the welfare office). Blossom and Brick had both always secretly thought, especially around "_artists_", that they were superior to the other students at their school (Brick had once referred to himself as the "uberest mensch,") but it wasn't until they were together that these thoughts came out of their much too large brains and into their much to small art class, "Look at all these morons," Brick would often say, "They don't even have heat-vision! What good are they?" Then he would laugh in a manner that made everyone but Blossom scootch just a few inches further away from him.

At first Blossom pretended to be on the same side as the general population of students, "You know, you don't have to have super-powers to be a good person."

"True. But! You do need them if you want to be an awesome person!"

Blossom would shake her head at this, but secretly she kinda agreed with Brick, and it wasn't long before her agreements became verbal. It took even less time for the other members of the student body to take note of Blossom's shift in attitude, her friends slowly distancing themselves from her. In fact there was a direct correlation between Blossom's popularity and the decibel level of her acknowledgment of Brick's words (one went down the other up.) Inevitably the two grew closer, one day Blossom offering Brick to sit with her and her sisters for lunch, much to the chagrin of Bubbles, and eventually they started hanging out after school hours. The two liked many of the same things, but they liked those things for different reasons. This led to heated debates, but the arguments were always respectful, and the two never stopped smiling in each others presence. The thing that they most agreed upon was what to hate (While Brick's love of _the Rolling Stones_ and Blossom's of _The Beatles_ often led to enjoyable arguments, they could easily agree that _Aerosmith_ sucked.)

Their first out of school adventure (not a date) was a generic trip to the movies. So generically unromantic was this trip that they were even accompanied by anti-make-out buffers. For this Blossom brought along her sisters Bubbles (adorable) and Buttercup (too cool to be adequately described with the words available in both the English and French languages) a set of buffers that could easily hold back the flooding of the Nile though they had never been tested against the raging hormonal tide of two people with extraordinary powers, and Brick brought along his brothers Boomer (dumber than dumb) and Butch (what a _dick!_) a team that could help prevent a possible hook-up about as well as Marshal Philippe Petain could prevent Nazi German occupation.

The author (me) will now deviate from the present course of the narrative in order to detail how this first _friend_ date transpired. There were of course many other _friend_ dates but as time (in this case duration of high school attendance) went on, Blossom and Brick slowly started shedding off letters of the word _friend_ (they of course skipped _end,_) an idea that the two thought was as ingenious as it was adorable (wrong on both counts.) This sub-story, also un-embellished, and unaltered, though slightly abridged and remarkably un-tragic, goes ah-like this.

"Brick just invited me to go see that new movie _Bloodgasm_ with him and his brothers, want to go?" Asked Blossom.

"No." Buttercup responded in her voice that sounded like she had been smoking cigarets since birth (zero or five?) but in actuality she never had because she's too cool to smoke, or be described by all the words in both the English and French languages.

"I'll go with you." Came Bubbles' Robin-like bird chime that made the cooing of most birds sound like a blind man playing the piano without any fingers or a tongue (the lack of tongue has nothing to do with the man's ability to play, it's just a coincident.)

"Big surprise there." Came Buttercup's sarcastic yet cool yet un-apologetically awesome voice.

"Leave Bubbles alone, and I was only asking as a courtesy. You're going."

"I refuse."

"If you don't go I'll tell everyone at school you're a lesbian."

"Buttercup, You're a lesbian?" Came the cry of the least perceptive of the three heroines.

"No I'm not!"

"But I'll tell everyone that you _are_. Now get ready, and try to wear something that doesn't make you look like a man." Blossom smiled at her self served victory, then turned to Bubbles and said, "You get ready too, we're leaving in fifteen minutes."

These next two sentences happened simultaneously but were preformed by separate parties, and one was shouted while the other muttered.

"Fifteen minutes? But I need at least double that to get ready!" (Shouted by blue.)

"I'll make you look like a man." (muttered by green in a manner that was too cool for school, college, the English and French languages, and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's wardrobe.)

As for how the boys got ready, the author (that's me) cannot say with one-hundred percent certainty, but arduous amounts of time (thirty-seven school days, weekends excluded) has been taken in order to piece together the known facts so as to reenact how it could have happened.

Brick crashed through the roof of his cardboard home or whatever cave he dwelt in, and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Hey broskeys! I want to have sex with Blossom! So I'm taking her to see some shitty movie, cause all girls like over the top violence and bad acting! And here's the best part! You're both invited, cause I feel me being there by myself isn't enough of a bother to society!"

"Excellent, It'll give me an opportunity to be a giant dick!" Butch (the dick!) yelled in the most dickish way possible.

Jumping up from his deflated beanbag chair, so as to gain more attention to himself, Boomer yelled, "Derpy-derp, da-derpidy derp derp!"

The three then, in a unanimous motion, popped their collars and high-fived, "Let us prepare!" Brick yelled at his brothers who couldn't have been more than forty-eight centimeters away due to the size of their shack/house.

"Great! I'll wear an outfit that makes my dickish charm seem all the more dickish!" Butch (the dick!) then kissed his own biceps.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed Boomer as foam started to pile out of his mouth.

By the time the girls arrived at the preselected spot that had been previously chosen as the place in which they would meet with the boys before the film started (it was in front of the theater that the movie was playing at,) the three boy were already there.

"Hey," said Brick, the comment was arranged to be a general greeting, but Brick managed to focus it entirely on Blossom.

After a moments deliberation, in which Blossom tried to think of something clever, she responded, "Hey," herself.

"We already got tickets for you." Said Butch (the dick!)

"I do believe we should head inside. Judging by the slight change in pressure, increased wind activity, and placement of those cumulonimbi clouds in the sky, I would venture a hypotheses that it will rain in, I'd say, no less than nine minutes." Boomer (moron) said.

The six-pack of super-humans went inside the theater where, upon their arrival, the vast crowds of teenage couples and lonely teenagers parted away from them.

"I like being feared," said Brick, "it gives me a sense of superiority."

"I thought your sense of superiority gave you a sense of superiority." Responded Buttercup, whose very presence in the building made all of the other occupants realize how pitifully uncool they were by comparison.

"Come on, the movies about to start." Blossom's interruption had just prevented what could have been a conflict of cataclysmic proportions.

The movie itself would be best compared to a juggling bear riding a unicycle, your just a little bit embarrassed by how much you enjoy watching it. In place of describing what _Bloodgasm_ was actually about, the author (that is I) will instead list off the five best lines from the film.

5: "Don't think a band-aid will help you now!"

4: "Chitty chitty BANG BANG!"

3: "Your lips say no, but this is rape so I don't care."

2: "Revenge is a dish best served slowly and painfully!"

1: "You won't be so tough without your legs!"

After the final credits rolled through the needlessly long list of unimportant crew members (do the caterers really need a spot?) the group of heroes and former villains left the theater, though they waited around a bit so to avoid the crowds.

"That movie lacked any semblance of subtlety." Said red leader (Blossom.)

"Yeah, and where were all the cops? The main character shot fifty-six guys in broad daylight! And yes I counted, fifty-six!" Red leader (Brick) said.

"The movie's called _Bloodgasm! _It's not like I went in expecting Shakespeare on ice." Commented Butch (the dick!)

"_Ohggrh_ I shouldn't have eaten so much popcorn, I'm gonna hurl." Bubbles was cute even in sickness.

"That's okay, throwing up is just your body's way of purging anything that might be harmful." The stupidity of Boomer's comment was not lost on anyone.

For awhile longer the group talked about the movie and also about school and other various high school things. Twenty percent of an average school day later the girls flew home and the boys headed for whatever hole they lived in. Upon landing through the always open oval windows that separated the girls room from the rest of America, they discussed events that had just transpired.

"So," began Blossom, "what do you think about Brick?"

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Both Buttercup and Bubbles said simultaneously, but Buttercup made eye contact with Blossom and gave her an incredulous look, while Bubbles ran off to the bathroom clutching her mouth in one hand and her stomach in the other.

"I can't believe the way you two were flirting that whole time! He's got a ponytail for God's sake!"

"_Blahhhrararghh!_" The sound resonated from the bathroom and was oddly reminiscent of a purring kitten.

Blossom looked hurt by Buttercup's words, "How can you not like him, he's so nice?"

"Didn't he throw a bus at you once?" Asked Buttercup.

"That was, like, forever ago!"

Bubbles walked back into the room, "I'm all better now." Her eyeliner had begun to run after tears were forced out, and there was still a bit of undigested food on her face.

"Bubbles, you got kernel on your cheek." said a slightly disgusted in the coolest way possible Buttercup.

"Besides, Brick has really matured since we were kids."

"Last week I heard him talking about burning the school down!"

"Hold on, I think it's coming up again." Bubbles again ran from the room.

"That was in jest, seriously, Buttercup, you're so uptight!"

"If he was joking why did he have a map of the school marking the best places to set up flash points?"

Another, more violent, sound like a garden hose shooting curdled milk onto concrete, followed by the words, "I didn't make it in time!" Came from outside the bedroom.

Blossom began to shake her head, "What happened to you, Buttercup? I thought you were cool."

Buttercup scoffed at her sister and said, "I am cool." A tag-team of the greatest English and French poets could do no better, even if they were wearing outfits from Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's personal collection.

Buttercup then got up in order to use the shower while Blossom retired for the evening. The last thing Blossom heard before passing into the land of dreams was Buttercup yelling, "Jesus, Bubbles! It's everywhere!" Followed by the sweet innocence of Bubbles' saying, "I'll get the mop."

The following day was not a school day, but, in terms of time, it will be treated like one. At roughly thirteen minutes into what would have been, on a weekday, American History, Blossom received a call from Brick on her cellular telephone asking if she would accompany him to Townsville Mall. She agreed.

Blossom arrived at the mall exactly two minutes into the five minutes stretch between American History and Gym. Brick had already been there for eight minutes (six minutes before the end of American History.) In place of a normal greeting that mere friends would exchange, the two instead hugged. Normally that sort of greeting could be considered, in most circles, as something "just friends" would do, but this hug was done spontaneously by both parties, and when realization hit them, it became a very awkward. Mostly do to the fact that their cheeks were touching, Blossom's fingers brushed through Brick's hair and dragged ever so slightly across the back of his neck, and Brick's own hands were wrapped around the lower part of Blossom's waist and rested right above her derriere which had become plump due to her wearing four-inch heals that day (the author,me again, cannot recommend the wearing of any sort of high-heal-like accessory on a trip to the mall. I, the author, have never tried something of the sort, but the simple idea of it is enough to promote painful irritations in the feet. Blossom's ability to wear these tootsie death-traps for such prolonged durations is a testament to her super-powers and that overbearing tenacity that makes her such a great leader.) They backed off looking flushed in the cheeks, and immediately began to move towards the first store.

"I want to get some more stylish threads, and I need a woman's touch to do so." Brick said to Blossom as they entered into a very expensive looking store.

Blossom gave Brick a quick look over. It was true that Brick's clothes reeked of cheapness, but she never felt he needed to improve his look, "I understand the want to keep up with popular trends, Brick, but this store," she gestured around at the various clothes hung up fro display, "it's _really_ expensive! Can you even afford it?"

Brick chuckled his roguish sort of chuckle that could crippled a super-model with delight and said, "Don't worry about the money." He then pulled out a large crumpled pile of dirty bills from his pants pocket.

Blossom stared at the fistful of dollars for a few seconds before she gained the courage to ask, "Brick, where did you get all that money from? You don't have a job."

"I told you not to worry about the money." Was all Brick said before the cash went back into his pants.

Heeding his advise, Blossom decided not to let Brick's sudden increase in monetary trappings bother her. The two Townsville High Juniors walked around the store, not really with any goals in mind. Brick just pulled anything out that looked like it might fit him. After they had succeeded in gathering enough clothes to dress an entire third-world country grade-school and also severely piss off all the people who worked at the store, Brick led Blossom towards the changing room. He pulled a chair right in front of the door and sat her in it, then he proceeded to try on various combinations of the clothes he had picked out.

Each time Brick came out of the changing room, wearing a different outfit, he would strut around a bit in front of Blossom, who would giggle and clap with delight, or shake her head and laugh with disapproval. Blossom began to notice other women eying Brick as he came out of the dressing room, she even heard one or two sigh when he came out wearing a pinstripe suit complete with fedora that looked quite ravishing on him (the fedora made him look fedorable.) Blossom laughed at these women. She laughed because she knew none of them would ever be good enough for Brick, she knew that Brick wouldn't bother with anyone that couldn't keep up with him, both physically and mentally.

The author (you guessed it) will now take this time to go over Brick's characteristics with the reader (if it's not me than it must be you.) Brick had ditched his old hat in much the same way Blossom discarded her old ribbon (put it in the closet and forgot about it) this made his sloppy ponytail look even more messy. But it was the mess about Brick that made him so interesting to look at. He looked like chaos, something that couldn't be controlled. At first glance you might think he looks this way on purpose, but on a second look you would retract that statement and say that the look is accidental, and then you would look again and lose all confidence on the matter. Maybe that's the way Brick likes it, maybe not. He had tired stubble on his chin and cheeks, it looked two days old everyday, something that would be common on a unhappy, worn out, tired salary man, but Brick's eyes never looked tired. His eye's were always alive with some sort of emotion, but no one could figure out exactly what Brick was feeling. He looked dangerous even when he was doing something as harmless as tying his shoes. He never smiled just to be polite only when he was amused by something, but when he did show his teeth in a non-threatening manner people couldn't help but become charmed by him. It was the smile a king might give a servant when he was pleased with the work that had been completed. Brick was six foot two, making him the tallest of his family, and his shoulder width was also greater than his brothers'. Butch (the dick!) was ripped, he looked like a steroid junky who spent all his time at the gym, though Butch (the dick!) never stepped foot into a gym. Boomer by no means looked weak, but he lacked the physical robustness of his brothers, his muscles were more like that of a cat, ready to spring at a moments notice. Brick however had thick soft muscles, they lacked the definition of Butch's (the dick!,) but were greater in size to Boomer's. Brick looked like someone who had never lifted weights but practiced karate everyday, the kind of build hunters had in the old prehistoric days. Just looking at Brick often was enough to confuse people.

Brick's personality was equally hard for people to comprehend. He was definitely arrogant, but never to the point where it became overbearing. Other boys at school would often call Brick an asshole, but then they would add, "But he's an awesome asshole!" He also was a perfectionist, spending all of his effort on the smallest details, but at other times he would simply look something over and use the smallest effort possible to achieve the desired effect. Often in conversation, when he was asked something complicated and in need of a detailed answer, he would simply shrug and walk away, or give a single word answer. He was a soft spoken loud mouth. A lazy person who loved to act wild. He would become your friend just so he could annoy you. He loved change but hated learning new things. People who were obsessed with popular trends pissed him off, but those people who purposefully went against the trend just to be different pissed him off even more. He was bothered by the fact that he had super-powers but wouldn't give them up for anything in the world. He hated the whole of the human race but wouldn't live life without them.

Brick was just as his name was. A Brick could be used to build a wall for support, or be thrown at your head. A Brick could be made out of shit, or out of gold.

With Blossom's help Brick found some new clothes that would make him seem more presentable in the eyes of society, though Blossom was upset he hadn't purchased the suit (he could have brought sexy back, like that Timberlake fellow.) They then went perusing through the other novelty shops. During this period of novel novelty, the two joked, giggled, held hands, and when one had finished a sentence the other would hold eye contact for as long as possible. It was probably the lingering gazes that put the final nail into the romantic coffin. They knew at that point that they were more than "just friends", they had become a... teenage romance! And every moment that passed made Brick bolder, and made Blossom happier.

The two had maneuvered their way into the vicinity of the glasses shop cleverly called (in the author's, my, opinion anyway) _Beyond__ the Looking Glass. _Brick had no intention of going inside, but for whatever reason Blossom pulled him in. Brick didn't put up much of a resistance, only asking why they were even there, Blossom gave no reply.

Once inside Brick easily became distracted trying on all the overpriced sunglasses, while Blossom migrated over to the normal section of glasses. She eyed the various frames (pun intended) picking a few up for closer inspection.

"What do you think?" Brick asked. Blossom turned to face her... _boyfriend!_ ; )

Brick was wearing a pair of half frame shades that made him look like someone form _The Matrix_ on their day off. Before Blossom could comment on the shades, Brick asked, "Why are you wearing those?"

Startled by Brick's sudden appearance, Blossom had forgotten that she had put on one of the empty frames, a thin gold accessory that wrapped around her face and made her look more mature, "Oh!" She said, pulling the glasses from her face and holding them in front of her, "I just thought a pair of glasses would make me look smarter."

"Why? Everyone knows your the smartest person around, why bother changing your look?"

"The people who _know_ me know that I'm smart, but I want everyone to know I'm smart just by looking at me. I want intelligence to exude from me like an aroma. When people see me I want them to feel humbled. When people see me I don't want them to _think_ that I'm a genius, I want them to _know_ that I'm a genius!" It was obvious to Brick that Blossom was getting worked up, it was easy for him to tell this really bothered Blossom. She settled herself with a deep breath before continuing, "I just want everything about me to be perfect." Blossom raised her eyes, still wrapped in the glasses, and met Brick's gaze. The boy looked positively tickled by what Blossom had just said, and he showed it with one of his charmingly arrogant half-smiles that would melt the Yetis cold cold heart were he excepting visitors, "You probably don't understand." Finished Blossom.

Brick did understand though. In fact he often felt the exact same way, but his need for perfection was usually hindered by his love of being lazy. At this moment however, Brick wasn't feeling lazy, he gently picked the glasses from Blossom's face much like an Italian farmer might pick a ripened grape from the vine, "Anyone," began Brick as his free hand brushed a few hairs that had strayed from the rest of the ponytail behind her ear, "who doesn't know that your perfect from a single glance is a fool."

Blossom's cheeks turned redder than her hair that one time when it was covered in blood (a story longer than this one.) She tried to turn her head, avoid eye contact, but Brick's gaze had her transfixed. A ruby shine had locked her eyes in place, and turned her from the genius superhero into a regular girl. Suddenly nothing else mattered to Blossom, school, the city, the people around her, even her own family was forgotten in the sight of those hauntingly enchanting, ragingly peaceful, red eyes. Looking into them made her feel dizzy, yet she couldn't stop herself from being drawn towards them. Brick took up Blossom's chin between his thumb and forefinger, raising her mouth closer to his own. As their lips grew nearer, Blossom could smell Brick's breath, a sort of cinnamon mixed with a hint of mint, not the most fantastic smell in the world, but Blossom wasn't going to let that deter her from the present course. The moment was perfect, a boy, a girl, a _mall! _What more could a person want? Their mouths were now inches apart. She tried to imagine what kind of kisser Brick was. Was he forceful? Would he let her do most of the work? Would he use lots of tongue? Is he a biter? Is _she_ a biter? She didn't know!

Centimeters apart now. Blossom suddenly wondered what the other kids at school would think when they found out. Would they be surprised? Probably not. Would they be envious? Not the men, but surely most of the women would... and a few of the boys too. What about her family? They defiantly wouldn't like her doing this. _Well screw all of them, I'm going for it! _She thought, then pressed on.

Millimeters away from touchdown. Blossom could feel it, yes _feel it!_ She didn't know what "it" was, but she definitely felt it. She imagined Brick's stubble lightly scratching her cheek, tickling her ever so slightly. She no longer cared about his minty cinnamon breath, in fact she longed to taste it more thoroughly. She wanted to tongue it off his teeth or wherever it was coming from.

"Just freaking kiss her already!"

Brick turned towards the new voice. Only his head moved, slowly with burning eyes leading the way. Without stop, a motion so purposefully, meticulously drawn out that it inspired a subtle fear into anyone who saw it. When the man who said these audacious words realized that Brick was Brick, and not just any ol' asshole, he ran away.

Blossom in the meantime had turned one step away from jello. That is, her legs could barely support her body, and if it wasn't for her ability to fly, she probably would have fallen over. Brick turned his head and his attention back to her. Once more the two made eye contact, and while Brick had calmed down the second their gaze met, the moment was nonetheless ruined by Barry Buzzkill, "Come on, lets get out of here." he said taking Blossom's hand in his own.

"Out of here" proved to merely be the food court, but the two individuals whom this story concerns were now stuck in a proverbial standstill. The near-kiss had obviously moved them forward in their relationship, but Brick, it seemed, had lost his nerve, he no longer had the same seductive quality to his voice that was normally present when he talked to Blossom, for whatever reason being caught off guard before had embarrassed Brick. This left Blossom in a quandary. She wanted Brick to kiss her, not she kiss he. But ingeniousness was Blossom's specialty, and already a plan was forming in the infinite confines of her brain.

Like most plans timing played a huge part. Blossom would have to wait just a bit longer before she could make her move. Since the flirting had all but stopped there was no longer a need for the mall so the two made a break for home. Even the flight home was devoid of any romance, which was a shame since in was a beautiful fall day, and the leaves were just turning that yellow-orange hue that was so pretty it made people forget that it was simply a sign of the leaves dying.

Once they made it to the front of the Utonium household Blossom began her epic plan, "Hey, remember before when we almost kissed? Wasn't that, like, super weird?"

Brick let out a slight chuckled, "Yeah, I guess the was pretty odd."

Brick, again, chuckled while scratching the back of his head in the most nervous fashion possible, and Blossom shifted her wait between feat for a moment before opting to just float slightly above ground level. She began chewing the inside of her lower lip. The plan had backfired, things could be even worse now.

"I guess I better get out of here." Brick turned to leave.

"Wait!" Blossom yelled, which was strange since Brick was right next to her, she grabbed his wrist to prevent him from leaving.

"What?" Brick said, slightly surprised and angered by the sudden shout.

"I, I, I, I, I," Blossom was stuttering. Blossom! Stuttering! Never before had something like that happened.

_Do or die Blossom,_ she thought to herself, _Do or die!_ Turning off that part of the brain that said, "Think before you act!" Blossom took initiative like a proud existentialist and grabbed onto Brick's shirt, then pulled his face into her own.

Their foreheads had collided rather hard, but that wasn't important! What was important was that their lips had also connected, and now Blossom's tongue was in Brick's mouth. Needless to say (but I, author, am gonna say it anyway,) Brick was surprised by the sudden contact, and tensed his entire body, but after realizing what was going on he instantly relaxed. He wrapped his left arm around Blossom's waist and pulled her whole body against his. Brick's right hand went behind Blossom's neck, his fingers going into her hair threatening to pull her ponytail loose. As it turned out, Brick was a bit of a biter, yet still gentle and passionate.

After about eleven percent of class time passed the two broke apart from each other. Blossom looked up at Brick, he once again had his smug half-smile on, the one that should have pissed people off to look at but instead seemed to just arouse women, "I'll catch you later," he said, then winked and flew off.

"Bye," Blossom quietly said to his retreating form, then she began giggling to herself like a Japanese school girl who had just kissed the boy whom she had a huge crush on, as apposed to a American school girl who had just kissed the boy whom she had a huge crush on (location is key.)

After doing a small twirl of delight Blossom opened the door to her home, and was greeted by a very angry looking girl whose hair was so dark that it seemed as though light didn't even bother with it, and whose demeanor completely eclipsed the surrounding area in cool. She spoke, "What the hell was that?"

"What was what?" Responded Blossom.

"That kiss!" Continued Buttercup in a way that was so cool that trying to describe it would be like slapping God in the face, "You don't know where that thing has been!"

"Hey! I'm a grownup! I'm allowed to kiss whomever I so choose!" Retorted Blossom.

"First of all, real grownups don't call themselves grownups, and second, you should feel ashamed! I would expect something like that grotesque display from Bubbles, but not you! I assumed you had more common sense!"

"What is it that you don't like about him? And don't say it's cause he's got a ponytail!"

"Um, oh, hang on I had it and just forgot, wait, now I remember! He tried to kill us!"

"Once!"

"More than once!"

The bickering continued, each sentence giving way for more nasty words. All of the commotion prompted the Professor to leave his lab and check on the situation, "Girls, what's all this fuss?"

The two superheroes stopped their shouting but continued a fierce eye contact. Buttercup knew that telling the Professor what had happened was a terrible idea, and Blossom was glad just to stop fighting before things got violent, "Everything's fine!" They said in unison, then they stormed off to the respective rooms, which was too bad because they still shared a room.

"I never liked you." Blossom said as she plopped down on her bed.

"Same here." Responded Buttercup as she too fell onto her bed, which was too bad because they still shared a bed.

The author (you should know by now) would once again like to dictate what _might_ have happened when Brick got home that night.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEY HOMESLICE!" Yelled Brick as he drop-kicked his house door off of its frame, and right into the soft spot on Boomer's skull.

"Broseph!" Responded Butch (the dick!) after which he and Brick chest bumped. Then Butch (the dick!) hit Brick over the head with a chair.

Boomer got up and began rubbing blood around the bloody spot on his head which had a huge bloody crack in it that was leaking exuberant amounts of blood, "..." he said as he stumbled about. Brick then hurled his fist into Boomer's already bloody head, causing him to lose a few desperately needed IQ Points.

"Oh-Em-Gee Nabrolien, guess what I just did?" Asked a Brick after which he smashed an empty liquor bottle over his own head.

"Did you just bone some chick, Brobi-one-kenobi?" Said Butch (the dick!) who then took off his shirt and started doing pushups.

"NOOOOOO!" Shouted Brick, "BUT! I! AM! ONE! STEP! CLOSER!"

"Well done Broldemort! Is it that Blessom chick, or whatever her name is?" Asked Butch (the Bro-dick!)

Brick charlie-horsed Butch (the dick!) then answered, "YES! I DON'T KNOW HER NAME EITHER!" Then Brick began laughing.

Blossom and Brick had decided to keep their relationship subtle, they weren't very good at it though, being subtle that is, they were quite skilled at being a couple. They did all of the couple things like, talking on the phone about nothing for extended periods of time (sometimes they would talk for the length of three classes,) spending most of their time together, and all but ignoring their other friends. The reds were nonetheless happy, it seemed all they needed was each other, and everything was seemingly perfect.

For the remainder of their junior year and all through their senior year Blossom and Brick dated. They wanted to take things slowly, if asked why Blossom would say, "We just want the moment to be perfect," and Brick would say, "Mind your own damn business!" The truth was they were both extremely nervous about sex. Perfection was a driving force in both their lives, and if something were to go awry during the act of love then it would put a dirty blemish on their lives and possibly their sheets too.

In order to make sure things were perfect both Blossom and Brick prepared. They had agreed to go forward with copulation after their senior prom (the most romantic moment in one's life.) Brick had booked a hotel and done extensive research on the female orgasm, and Blossom did yoga so as to prepare for what Buttercup called, "Brick's rendition of the 1923 Tokyo earthquake disaster."

Prom day was upon them and Blossom had mastered most of the yoga positions, and Brick had a strong mental grasp of the female anatomy which would hopefully lead to a strong physical grasp of the female anatomy. Bubbles had, not surprisingly, found a date to accompany her (Abe or Andy or Al or Alex or Ass-face or whatever,) while Buttercup had decided to fly solo, something that was only cool when done by Buttercup.

"Oh my god!" Squealed Bubbles as Blossom walked into the living room wearing her prom dress. It was quite a doozy of a dress, pink (duh) accompanied by a matching set of high-heels. The back of the dress wasn't really there, just a few loose straps running across Blossom's Trapezius and Latissimus Dorsi. The dress clung tightly around the mid-section, but left plenty of room for her ample bosom, but not so loose that there was no cleavage, there was plenty of that! The dress ended five inches above the ankles and there was a split running down the left side starting at the middle of the thigh, this showed off Blossom's sleek, sexy legs and also made moving a lot easier. The high-heels pushed her calf muscles into the sexiest position possible, all the years of fighting had pushed Blossom and her sisters' bodies into peak physical perfection without making them seem butch (the di-wait... never mind) or masculine in any way. So all of the muscles on Blossom's body were lean and toned, in normal clothes nobody really noticed, but with this revealing dress on, everyone was finally going to see how sexy Blossom really was.

Blossom's hair was also done up in a very fancy manner. In place of the normal ponytail Blossom had her hair pinned into a bun that was tight, but still had many loose strands hanging out. These loose pieces of hair were put into curls which bounced with each step Blossom took. She still had bangs framing her face, and the cherry colored lipstick she wore made her lips look even more plump.

"Calm down, Bubbles," said Buttercup as she too moved into the living room, "I've met Disney actors more reserved than you." Buttercup was also looking her best in her prom wear, though her outfit was much less trendy. It was very gothic in both color and design. It was strapless and flowed down to her ankles and was black, and starting at the waist a thin gray veil covered the black dress, giving it a sort of ghost-like effect. She had on a black tuxedo jacket that only went down to the end of her ribs and was to small around the chest to actually be buttoned up (it wasn't supposed to be anyway.) Under the jacket Buttercup had on fingerless mesh gloves that stretched up to her biceps. Unlike Blossom however, Buttercup refused to wear high heeled shoes. Instead she had on simple black flats.

Buttercup had her hair spiked out in all directions with lots of it covering her eyes. Through all the hair, black lipstick, and eyeliner she wore still couldn't help one from being drawn towards her green eyes. Against all the darkness of her outfit the eyes shown like two emerald moons against the pitch black night.

Bubbles' outfit was without a doubt the most traditional of the three. From the puffy blue sleeves (oh yes, the dress was blue,) to the wavy end that fell down lower than her feet, forcing her to hold up the front as she walked. Her face was covered in that glittery makeup that's all the rage these days. Her hair was let out of its usual double pony-side-tail and was tempered into large curls starting at the halfway point (or the neck area if you prefer,) "Oooh, I can't wait! Does my hair look okay?"

"It's fine," reassured Blossom. Out of the three, Blossom was probably the most giddy. Bubbles was excited as any girl her age would be, but for Blossom this prom was going to be significant. Sure other couples had similar plans in mind, but Blossom was under the impression that these people didn't actually know what the meaning of love was.

"I can't wait for our dates to arrive," Bubbles looked to Buttercup then Blossom, "well... _our_ dates,"

At that exact moment the doorbell rang out through the house. Bubbles didn't even try to suppress her excited scream as she flew to the door. She calmed down a bit when she found out the person at the door wasn't her date (Derrick or Dante or Dexter or Damien or Dickhead or whatever,) but Brick.

Though Bubbles understood that Brick was off limits to her, she still recognized that he was bringing his A-game to prom. His suit was traditional black, but it seemed to shine even in darkness. For a passing moment he thought about wearing a red suit, but after mentally picturing what that would actually look like he realized it would be stupid. Brick's hair had that purposeful chaos (or was it purposeful?) that was so common for him. On top of his blazing head was a fedora of the sort that Blossom had so wanted him to buy before.

"Geez Brick, you didn't even shave for prom?" Said Buttercup, with a sneer on her face.

Brick brought his hand up to his face and felt his chin with a look of genuine surprise, "I shaved an hour ago."

"Sure you did," Buttercup rolled her eyes, "oh, and by the way, that hat looks fedorable on you."

Brick's eyes suddenly went cold, and he was about to remove the fedora, but then Blossom came to Brick's rescue, "I think the hat looks quite appropriate on you," she then gave her date a brief kiss, "and I like your stubble."

Standing behind Brick this entire time was Bubbles' date (James or Jerry or John or Jerald or Jerk-off or whatever,) though he is so irrelevant to this story that the author (yo) will neglect describing his characteristics, both physical and mental.

Now that the whole party had arrived (Boomer and Butch, the dick! Had their own modes of transportation) the Professor had a few things to say, "Alright boys," he said looking at Brick and that other guy, "I want to lay down a few ground rules."

"Don't worry," interjected Brick, "nothing will happen."

"Your right," said the Professor as he revealed the stapler in his pocket, "nothing will happen."

He then gave the device a few menacing clicks.

"Um. Not that I want to argue or anything, but... do you really think I would be scarred by a stapler?" Said the Brickster.

"That's why I have this," from his other pocket the Professor pulled out a vial labeled, "Antidote X"

Blossom shifted her eyes between her father and her soon to be lover, "Uh, I think our limo's here," she said nervously, "bye!"

The three girls gave their father a quick kiss on the cheek, and then all five members of the group piled into the limo which was the standard sort of stretch used for these occasions.

When they arrived at the prom many of the other students were already there, dancing and acting all frivolous. The five found their seats easily enough. Bubbles and her date started dancing almost right away to the generic pop music playing through the speakers. Blossom soon joined her sister in the fun and, or course, she brought Brick along. Buttercup outright refused to do anything fun to the beat of pop music, and was often hear shouting things like, "Play some _Children of Bodom_!" For the length of four class periods Blossom, Brick, Bubbles, and date of Bubbles danced. Buttercup in the mean time was talking to her various friends, that is until Butch (the dick!) approached her.

"Hey buttercup, I was just wondering, since neither of us has dates, if you would... you know, dance with me for a bit. Just as friends." His vain attempts to not be a dick did not appease Buttercup in the least, and had in fact made him appear even more dickish!

"Go away you dick!" Was the answer given by Buttercup who, at the risk of sounding redundant, did so in a very cool manner.

The music flooding the room was fast, loud, and rhythmic. Nothing that would impress even the worst composer, but for the people on the dance floor it got the job done. They moved to the beat, stopping only when the music stopped playing. No amount of dancing seemed to be enough to slow down the students of Townsville High School. Hips shook, heads bopped, arms flailed, and feet spun, no one was even listening to the actual songs playing, just waiting for the beat to tell them when to move. Even Blossom, who had never really danced before, couldn't help but be sucked in by the music she normally wouldn't be caught dead listening to. She was drawn towards her counterpart's body like the tides to the moon, except Blossom and Brick actually made contact. Their pelvises ground against each other, their hands caressed, and on several occasions, their lips made full contact.

Many of the other boys were distracted from their own dates as they watched with hungry fascination at the way Blossom moved in her sexy, revealing dress. The girl halves of these couples didn't mind as their boyfriends watched the red-head, for it gave them ample opportunity to watch a different red-head. Brick, as it turned out, was as good as a dancer as a heterosexual white guy can be. His body could both pop _and_ lock, and most of the guys who saw him did so with envy in their eyes.

During the music, Blossom stopped and pressed her entire body against her boyfriend's. She moved her mouth so close to Brick's ear that she was practically licking it, "I want you so bad!" She whispered, then bit gently on Brick's lobe as her head pulled away. Blossom was finding it hard to control herself (other things were also hard, but we won't go into that.) She was contemplating pulling Brick's clothes off and doing him right there on the dance floor, she was pretty sure she saw some of the other couples do it, why not her? Then she remembered, she had something those other girls didn't have. No, it wasn't her super powers that she was referring too. It was her self respect. Still, she pressed her lips against his harder than she ever had before. Their tongues wrestled for dominance, until they realized that it was a draw, and Blossom pulled her mouth away from Brick's

Finally the DJ played _Save the Last Dance_ and everyone began slow dancing. Blossom's arms went around Brick's neck, and his went around Blossom's waist. The two gently swayed back and forth. They looked into each others eyes, and Blossom was truly happy that she had met Brick, and he felt the same. The song ended and, though prom was still two class periods away from officially ending, most people began leaving so they could get to boozing on the beach all the sooner. Blossom and Brick also left, though they weren't going to the beach like the others. They had more sensual plans.

Thanks to their ability to fly, the red-heads were able to get a hotel far enough away so as not to be bothered by anyone they might recognize. The hotel was a nice little inconspicuous one, not run down, but not overly fancy. When they checked in the person working at the front desk gave them a look that said, "I know what you two are planning." Brick carried Blossom to their room on the second floor bridal style. Somehow Brick had managed to get a few bottles of champagne delivered to them even though he was underage. It was just another one of those things she never questioned.

The two sat in the room, sipping away at their champagne, giggling, touching, kissing, until two bottles were empty, and Blossom felt confident enough to take the next step. She removed Brick's hat from her head (no that's not a grammatical error, Blossom stole the hat after the first bottle,) tossing it to the side. Brick undid his belt buckle and Blossom helped him pull down his pants. Soon enough Brick was only wearing his socks and button down shirt that was no longer buttoned, Blossom pushed the almost naked Rowdyruff boy onto the king-size bed. Brick propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Blossom pulled the few loose straps that held her dress up out of their knot and let the whole thing fall around her feet. She stepped ever the crumpled dress, still in high heels, and crawled on top of Brick.

From there they did exactly what they had planned on doing. Brick rode his ivory steed through Blossom's ruby temple, he explored her innermost sanctum with sword at the ready, he parried retreated and thrust with his custom foil, he launched his entire arsenal at her capital city, he invaded her borders, he let his basilisk into her chamber of secrets, he fired his revolver at high noon, he bombed her pearl harbor (they fucked.) As it turned out, Brick's extensive research and Blossom's yoga had both paid off with interest.

After all was done (not much was said,) Blossom pulled herself off of Brick (told you,) and collapsed next to him on the floor (they fell off the bed when Brick harpooned Blossom's pink whale.) They were both gasping for air and encompassed in sweat. They crawled back into the bed, not caring that they were both a sticky mess, and Blossom was almost asleep when suddenly she realized something. Something very important, and very disturbing.

"Hey, Brick." She said.

"Mmmrrgg."

"Wake up!" Blossom nearly shoved Brick of the mattress with her elbow.

"What!" He said, now fully awake.

"I was just thinking." Began Blossom.

"Yeah." Brick settled into a more comfortable position.

"Well, me and my sisters were only created because Mojo Jojo made the Professor accidentally knock chemical X into his perfect girl formula."

"I know." Brick was moving closer to Blossom, hoping that as long as they were awake, they could at least do something more enjoyable.

"So Mojo Jojo is kinda like my father."

Brick suddenly stopped, "Yeah," he said with trepidation.

"And since Mojo Jojo _is_ _your_ father, that sorta makes us brother and sister."

Brick looked up to the ceiling, after thirteen percent of a a class period Brick said, "We shouldn't tell anyone about this."

Blossom nodded her head, then calmly got out of bed, got dressed, and, not wanting to be seen in her current state, flew out the window. Brick took an extensive shower, then went to sleep, but not before changing the sheets.

After that the two barely saw each other, and when they did pass by one another they only awkwardly smiled and then hastily moved on. Brick didn't tell anyone one why he and Blossom had Broken up, and Blossom only told her sisters, because she knew they would understand that it wasn't purposeful incest.

That concludes the woeful tale of Blossom and Brick. Tragic, yes, but also not without humor. Even to this day Blossom sometimes looks back to that night and laughs, but a hidden glint in her eyes tells those who are willing to listen her wish that Brick was not related.

Now you (the reader) ask, whom could know all this if not a soul but two others were informed on the subject? Well that should be obvious, and if you (still the reader) haven't figured it out yet... your obviously not as smart as you think, and I (yes the author) am not going to bother telling you, since that would be an insult to all the readers who figured it out on their own. I will however, give you one hint. My name begins with the letter Bee.

**AN: That was longer than expected. I tried really hard with the romantic portions of the story, it was something I don't normally do. I feel I did a pretty good job though. I also tried my best to make things seem sexy, especially Blossom in her prom dress. The reason why I didn't spend as much time describing Bubbles' dress was simply because I was tired of talking about what they were wearing. If you feel Bubbles was cheated or something like that, well... too bad. Please let me know what you think.**


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